is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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