Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
