No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Randomize
