It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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