I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Randomize
