so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
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