Your mouth is God's brothel.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Randomize
