Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
I want to make a zoo with you.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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