either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
Randomize
