I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
well you can't waste a boner
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
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