Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
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