i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Be still, my beating vagina.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
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