So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
