when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Randomize
