Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
