My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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