That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
We left an ass print on the piano.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
