i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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