Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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