I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
