so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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