Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
