Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Randomize
