awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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