Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
