Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
so let's talk penis.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
