Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
