I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
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