You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Randomize
