I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
