Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
