I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Randomize
