Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
