My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
