i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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