distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Randomize
