Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Randomize
