he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Randomize
