i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
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