My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
