well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
I think a kid would responsible me up
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
