My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
Randomize
