so explain again why im purple
no
You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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