I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
should my penis look like a turkey
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Randomize
