you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
