I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Drunk is not a location!
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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