Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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