Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Naked Twister starts at high noon
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Randomize
