I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Randomize
