Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Randomize
