i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
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